Okay, all right. Yeah. Okay....
Did you even consider marrying me?
Of course l did.
But when you ask a girl to marry you, do you want her to just consider it?
Or do you want her to just know?
MAN [ON RADlO]: It's Romeo Midnight, back again.
And if those topsy-turvy feelings have got you twisted inside-out...
...think of the poet _umi, who 800 years ago said:
''All we really want is love's confusing joy.''
Amen, brother.
She was there, huh?
ls that it?
So this, you believe.
You don't buy it when she says yes to me...
...but when she dumps me...
...that you can wrap your head around.
l had a feeling.
-Excuse me? -That it wasn't right, Reed.
-Man, you know, an inkling. -An inkling?
You had an inkling, and you kept it to yourself?
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
You don't keep inklings to yourself. You share them. You're like:
''Hey, guy. l got an inkling...
...you're headed for a fall here.'' That's what friends do.
That's common knowledge. It's in the damn handbook.
l'm sorry, Reed. You're right.
l gotta stop Julia, don't l?
lf it's the damn handbook, l think you better.
Now, let's go.
WOMAN: Next.
JULIA: l'm going to visit my boyfriend. l'm surprising him.
-Oh, yeah. Guys love surprises. -ls that sarcasm?
l surprised my husband once. Now he's my ex-husband.
-Oh, that sucks-- -Yes. Never touch security, ma'am.
-Yes, ma'am. Copy that. -Okay.
-Next. -Have a nice day.
You too, ma'am.
l never had a inkling before. l didn't know what to do with it.
We gotta get to the airport.
-Oh, shit. The flowers. -Well, l'll deliver them. You go.
l don't have a car. All l have is this van.
My cousin Flaco lives nearby. He's got a car you can borrow. It's a Chevy.
Yeah?
A hybrid.
Right over there.
Guy leaves. l said, ''We can't take the dog.'' He says, ''You know, he'll be right back--''
Hi. l need your first ticket...
-...out of terminal G to San Francisco. -This counter for oversized items.
Right. l-- But you sell tickets.
-This counter for oversized items. -But you sell tickets, right?
That counter is for oversized people this counter is for oversized items, okay?
Okay, here's my luggage.
Now it's a matched set.
Buddy, l'm 52 and l'm wearing a bright blue shirt to work.
-Please don't make me madder than l am. -l'm sorry.
-There's this girl. -Don't tell me...
...that'll take the fun out of guessing. Gonna be tough.
There's a very pretty girl, and she's about to get on a big airplane.
And if you don't stop her, she'll never know how you really feel.
-Not exactly. -What am l missing?
lf she gets on the plane, she's gonna find out the hard way...
...that the guy that she thinks she's in love with...
-...is a spineless, lying creep. -That's no good.
No, it is no good, and l can't let that happen.
Because this girl, she is great. She's like....
Like sunshine.
Everything is better when she's there.
l can't stand the idea of some jerk hurting her. l just can't. l can't.
[DOG BARKING]
Can you please be quiet...
...so this nice young man can sell me a ticket. Please?
Take it easy.
Here, this'll get you to any gate in the place.
-She's like sunshine, huh? -Yeah.
Well, in that case, it's on me. Go on, get out of here.
Thank you.
Right this way. Come on. Let me see.
All right.
Hey, sir. Sir.
-Just a moment, sir. WOMAN [OVER SPEAKER]: _ttention please.
flight 464 to San francisco...
...is now boarding at gate 13 in terminal G.
The-- The man left his shoes. Mister, the man forgot his shoes.
We've got a Code Foxtrot.
-Excuse me. excuse me! -We've got a Code foxtrot.
Oh, on Mount Tam?
Do you think? Because l heard there's a little restaurant--
He's a friend of mine. It's okay. What are you doing?
-Just-- -Where are your shoes? Are you okay?
He's married.
-What? -Harrison. He's married.
He was married, and now he's divorced.
No. He's still married. Her name is Pamela. They live in Brentwood.
l know because l delivered flowers to her.
l tried to tell you at the school.
Did he say it was his current wife? ''l'm sending flowers to my current wife''?
He didn't have to. l could tell.
Like you could tell that my old boyfriend Eddie was gay.
-Eddie was gay. -Eddie is married with two beautiful kids.
-Eddie has a cat named Babs. -You've tried to talk me...
-...out of every boyfriend since we've met. -l'm telling you the truth. l promise.
l'm going.
No, hang on, hang on. Come here, come here.
Why, hello there. l'm with security.
Do you think that Morley and l belong together?
-What does that have to do with anything? -Just tell me. Do you?
l don't know. If you love her and if she loves you--
-Answer the question. -Fine.
No.
-Personally, l don't see it. -That's what l'm doing here.
Because apparently everyone and their mother felt that way...
...but nobody had the guts to tell me.
And now, l'm left with some stupid ring and an empty closet...
...and an ache in my gut the size of Texas because nobody told me.
-She left you. -Today.
l'm sorry.
This will serve as your final boarding call for flight 464 to San Francisco.
-l don't want this to happen to you. -l'm sorry about Morley...
...but l'm going to see my boyfriend.
You know it's the truth.
Sir, your shoes are still at security.
We're not allowed to touch them.
Sir, what kind of man takes his shoes off and leave them off in public?
Now, you know, it's some nasty stuff on these floors, sir.
Whoa.
Sorry.
WOMAN: Ladies and gentlemen, l'm sure you've noticed we're experiencing turbulence.
Nothing to be concerned about but the captain has turned on...
...the seat belt sign for safety.
Please return to your seats until we pass through this...
-...which should be in just a few minutes. -Yeah.
-l'll just put it there.
Watch your hands.
You look very pretty.
Thank you.
-Are you nervous? -Yes.
No reason to be. The minute you walk through that door nothing else...
...is gonna matter.
Thank you.
Franklin rules!
Hey, Edison, wanna warm up together?
Yeah, Edison. Warm up with your girlfriend.
Grow up, Franklin.
Are you gonna watch Discovery Channel tonight?
-lt's about giraffes. -No, l can't.
l have to work at my mother's restaurant.
-The one with the pointy towers? -Yeah.
l went there for your birthday party.
lt's a busy night for us. We have a wedding, and a party for people...
...who hate Valentine's Day.
-Why hate Valentine's Day? -l don't know.
We have it every year, and it's all of Miss Fitzpatrick's friends.
Really?
Not in Franklin's house!
Come on, the game's starting!
-Edison, what the heck is wrong with you? -l'm in love.
So am l, but l can move my feet.
Did you see it? l went like this with my head.
l kicked the ball with my head! Didn't you see it?
WOMAN: Oh, l did see it, honey. Mommy's so proud of you.
Let's go find Daddy.
l'm Kelvin Moore. Happy Valentine's Day.
MAN: Welcome to the famous Hollywood Stars--
WOMAN: Don't you know who l am, huh?
-You think l wouldn't find you here? -What are you doing?
-l'm trying to work. -Look at this, everyone!
This is not in-- This isn't for pictures.
Miss. Oh, mother, what's going on? Why so--?
''Cisco Martinez is a cheating rat.''
She's loco. l don't know what she's talking about.
-No, rata. You rata! -Cisco! Cisco!
-What are you doing? This is-- -Oh, she kneed him in the gonads.
My goodness, l feel for you. The Dodger Dog.
-l'm okay. WOMAN: Sleeping with them?
Anyway, my name is Kelvin Moore.
Happy Valentine's Day. KVLA, channel 13.
[PHONE BUllING]
We done?
Got a text. Sean Jackson is calling a press conference.
This could be my exclusive, okay? Listen, keep filming.
All right, do some B-roll or something like that, all right?
GREG: No worries, boss.
lt's my day.
Hey, listen, l need to be able to talk to Kara for two seconds.
l already gave you everything on the press conference, so we are good.
l'm trying to do something special. Look at the profile. l'm from KVLA.
-The number two sports guy. -On my way to number one.
l wanted to ask her one question about Sean Jackson.
l need to be able to ask Sean Jackson one question on camera.
J She's on a conference call she's very busy.
-l don't know if l can-- -My bladder.
l gotta use the bathroom. Got a bathroom? Oh, l dropped my notes.
-No. You can't just barge into an-- Kara. -Kara.
-Damn. -Oh, Kara. Are you okay?
-Oh, do l look okay? -Should we call a doctor?
No, it's this day.
Christmas, New Year's, Fourth of July, she's fine.
-Valentine's Day, not so good. -What are you doing tonight, Kelvin?
l'm actually here about the Sean Jackson interview, but we could talk.
Relax, l'm not asking you out. l'm just curious.
How are you spending this happiest of all days?
-Let me just.... -You don't wanna call somebody?
l just wanna know if, in fact...
...l am the only person on the whole freaking planet...
...who is completely and 100-percent alone on Valentine's Day.
l asked you a question.
Yeah. l'm working.
l got three telecasts: 9, 10, and 11:OO.
Usually, l do two, but people want it off, so l'm happy to cover for them on this day.
You don't like to go out on Valentine's Day?
-l hate it. -Me too.
lt's my fault l'm alone. l'm neurotic to the nth degree.
l don't have time to work on myself...
...because l'm too busy fixing everyone else.
-Right. -My closest relationship...
...is with my BlackBerry.
-Right. -Thank God it vibrates.
-Oh, no. -But do you know...
-...who has always been there for me? -Who's that?
-My best friend: Candy. -There's somebody.
l cannot get enough. And l know it's bad...
-Kara. -... but l need it.
l need it, and there is not a shortage on Valentine's Day.
And that is my future.
l'll be a lonely old lady with rotting teeth.
-No, no, no. No, you're not. -And a chocolate mustache.
[KARA SOBS]
Okay, maybe you should try some tofu or something.
Okay. It'll balance out your emotions.
l don't want a mustache.
You'll look hot with a mustache.
Or without it. It doesn't matter.
-You can let go of me now. -Yeah, l should.
-Well, l guess we're done here. -All right.
You can check with Heather.
-She'll validate your parking. -You have a blessed day.
MAN: On your mark.
Get set.
GREG: l'm Greg Gilkins at my old high school, Henderson High...
...and today's subject: young love.
l'm joined by Felicia, whose boyfriend, Willy, will be joining us shortly.
-Felicia, if he's the star athlete, you are...? -Not the cheerleader.
-l'm on the dance team. -Maybe you could show us a little bit.
Five, six, seven, eight.
GREG: Don't hurt yourself.
-Yes. GREG: l haven't seen moves like that...
...since the '94 Northridge quake. You guys are--
How do you feel about each other this Valentine's Day?
-Oh, my gosh. l totally love him. -l'm crazy about her.
Willy, what is it about her that makes you so happy?
Well, she's beautiful, she makes me laugh...
-...and she does my geometry. -Bonus.
-Yep. -And, Felicia...
...what is it about Willy that's so cool?
What, besides the fact that he's totally hot? He's an amazing athlete.
Go show them, babe. Go show them, go show them.
He's so good.
[CHEERING]
How about this? l cook her dinner and then serve it to her in front of a fireplace.
-That says romance. -That says cheap-o.
Okay, not a problem.
l got her tickets to the movie at the Hollywood Cemetery.
Oh, yeah. Chicks love the cemetery...
-...on Valentine's Day. -Don't you think you should get a gift?
Gift? l'm supposed to get her a Prius? We've been dating for like two weeks.
ls there a two-week gift?
lf you want there to be a third week there is.
-So how did you guys meet? -lt's really funny, actually.
Like, l was not into him at first.
He used to shoot spit wads at me in Spanish class...
...which is, like, so junior high.
But then one night l was brushing out my hair when l got home...
...and l found this spit wad, but it was really a note.
And it said, ''What's up?'' And l was like, ''That is so cute.''
And then l liked him.
Oh, my God. Baby, are you okay? Walk it off, baby. Just walk it off.
You're still hot, baby. You're still hot.
GREG: He rolled out of that like a ninja. -He's usually good at those.
He's quite the athlete, you're quite the dancer, huh?
-Five, six, seven, eight! -No, l think-- l think we're okay.
Oh, we haven't seen that one.
-Way to go. She tell you the spit-wad story? GREG: She did.
-Yeah, she's mushy like that. -You like it.
-l know. -Oh, l miss high school.
There you have it, young love. Full of promise, full of hope...
...ignorant of reality. From Henderson High on Valentine's Day, l'm Greg Gilkins.
Okay.
Sorry, Mr. E., but they can't get your flowers delivered today...
-...but they'll figure it out tomorrow. -No, it has to be today. It has to.
Oh, just let him go. Let him go, let him go, let him go.
l'll tell you, today's a lot of pressure for anyone, let alone a little kid. Come on.
Tell me about it. l haven't been having the best day myself.
ls everything okay with Alex?
-Not really. -Uh-oh. What happened?
Alex and l were supposed to...
...have sex today.
For the first time. For both of us.
l wanted it to be magical, and l'm realizing that...
...it's hard to plan something to be magical, you know?
-Yes, that it is. -Love can't be planned.
lt's not love she is talking about, Edgar. It is sex.
GRACE: He's going to Stanford.
l'm going to Yale. And it's just hit me recently that...
...it's gonna be really hard to stay together.
So l guess l thought that if we had this amazing thing connecting us...
...it'd make it easier, somehow, but l don't know...
...hearing myself say it out loud, it all sounds really stupid.
And it's not like l'm gonna sleep with one person for the rest of my life, right?
l mean, that's just crazy. Who does that?
-Oh, crazy people like us. We did. -No.
-That's amazing. -Well, granted, it was a different time...
...and people weren't as promiscuous as they are now.
And there were times we spent Iong periods apart, but we managed.
l'm not saying it was easy or suggesting it for you.
Just saying it's possible.
And actually, we're gonna renew our vows this spring, right?
[PHONE RINGING]
-Would you excuse us a minute? GRACE: Yeah. l'm gonna take this.
Hey. No, l'm just at Edgar and Estelle's. What are you doing?
Alex, l gotta tell you something.
l don't know if today's the day.
l want it to be special, you want it to be special...
...and, you know, we tried to make it special, but, you know....
Do you wanna go back there and see my mom after what happened earlier?
l don't think so.
All right, well, okay.
Um....
You know what, Alex, sorry. l need to call you back.
l have to go. l'll call you later. Bye.
Edison!
Remember when you went away to Florida to build the apartments?
You remember that. And you were gone a very long time.
Yes.
You were gone so long.
l was so lonely.
And....
Well, Joey came over. It was my birthday, and he brought flowers, and--
-l sent you flowers, hon. -Yes, you did.
And champagne.
Joey? Wait a minute.
-Joey Keenan? -Yes.
-My business partner. -That's right.
And we sat and we talked and we had dinner, and we....
And then....
lt wasn't anything at first. And....
-You had an affair. -Yes. But it didn't last long, Edgar.
Didn't last long, and we regretted it very much.
l'm so sorry.
-You're the only man l've ever loved. -Then why tell me now?
lt's been bothering me. Our vows and everything.
And l wanted to tell you the truth.
The truth?
Well, unfortunately, Estelle...
...the truth makes everything else seem like a lie.
l'm sorry.
KATE: Why do you hate heart-shaped candy?
l think it's because it reminds me that this is Valentine's Day, and l'm recently single.
-We weren't on the same page. -Sorry.
-lt's okay. It's over. -Nothing to be done?
No, no. l've seen the enemy and the enemy is me.
You could go for the stewardess. She seems to like you.
l think she likes everybody, that's her job.
She looks over here every 5 seconds.
-No. -Ready?
-Five, four, three-- -You wanna bet on it?
-l'll bet you a bag of pretzels. -Okay.
Five, four, three, two....
-Oh, there it is. -Okay. All right, that was a coincidence.
-Five, four, three-- -Stop it. Stop it.
-Looked on three. She's gonna come here. -Excuse me.
-Can l get you anything? -A bag of pretzels, please.
Two, actually.
Thank you for the flowers, Mr. Troken. Ready for your sponge bath?
MAN: Yes, please.
Hi, excuse me. Hi.
Could l ask you a question?
l'm looking for Dr. Copeland. Is he here tonight?
-Not tonight, no. -Sorry, Dr. Harrison Copeland.
Not tonight.
-Could you tell me where l could find him? -Are you a patient? Is something wrong?
Look, can l ask you a question, just woman to woman?
Okay.
ls Dr. Copeland married?
Not divorced or not separated...
...just full-on married to a woman named Pamela?
They just celebrated their 15th anniversary.
[PHONE RINGS]
Cardiology Center.
Los Angeles Hospital, may l help you?
Bistro Garden, early seating.
JULIA: Kara, l'm still here. l'm in L.A.
l have a lot to tell you. Give me a call.
KARA: May l have your attention, please? l'm Sean's publicist...
...and recently there has been a lot of speculation about his future.
And rather than keep you all in suspense, he will make a brief statement at this time.
GREG: Hey, boss. Sorry, elevator took a year. -Cleaning up?
-l'm trying to be you. -All right.
First off, l'd like to thank everyone for coming.
l know it's Valentine's Day and you might have other plans, so l'll be quick.
The cliché...
...when someone's retiring who doesn't wanna retire...
...is to say that it's because they wanna spend more time with their family.
l don't have a family, and with everything football has given me...
...the biggest thing it's taken away is that.
Because of who l am...
...because of my job...
...l haven't been able to live the life l want to.
With that in mind, l'll just say the thing l came here to say.
l'm gay.
[CROWD MURMURING]
l knew it!
SEAN: Any questions? MAN 1 : Are you kidding me?
And be cool, because l'm not above kicking anybody's ass.
MAN 2: Sean, you for real?
Uh, first question.
MAN 3: Sean, come on, help me out.
Kelvin Moore, KVLA.
Sean, l'm confused here. Are you saying that you're retiring?
Oh, right, that.
No, Kelvin. No, l'm not retiring.
l'm gay, and l'm gonna play.
[LINE RINGING]
GRACE: Pick up the phone, Estelle. Edgar.
-Rosato martini with soda, table six. WOMAN: You got it.
l'm not really a waitress, l'm an actress. l just did a day on Days of Our Lives.
-Happy Valentine's Day. -Happy Valentine's to you.
-You look beautiful. -Thank you.
HARRISON: Thank you. PAMELA: Olivia's gonna need braces.
Well, that makes sense.
-l had them, you had them. -l know.
[PHONE RINGING]
MAN: Bistro Gardens restaurant.
Good evening.
-Hi. PAMELA: Harrison?
-Are you okay? -Excuse me. Excuse--
-You all right, sir? PAMELA: You okay?
Great. Well, my name is Julia, and l'm gonna be your server tonight.
Why don't l get started with a few specials?
Yes, please.
Tonight the chef is featuring a dish that he likes to call the lying, stinking pig.
-You're kidding. How is that cooked? -He starts by cutting off the pig's testicles...
...and he chops them up really finely, teeny, tiny pieces.
And then he takes those testicles, and he pulverizes them...
...and adds in a little arugula, some sage...
...feta cheese, and shoves the mixture...
...back up the pig's--
Well, for lack of a better word, ass.
-Really? -Yeah. Then he cuts out the heart...
...the cold, useless, tiny, little heart...
...then fillets it on either side and it's a nice amuse-bouche.
-l'll have the salmon. -Good choice.
For you, sir?
l'm not-- l don't-- l don't know.
Oh, just so you know, the heart of the pig...
...little something like this.
Did we get a toy?
Maybe l'll give you a little time to juggle the choices, sir.
Nicely done.
Miss Fitzpatrick, my son Franklin really loves your class.
-Oh, he's got a great imagination. -Yeah.
So l guess we'll charge these to--
-Oh, charge these to my friend over there. AMOS: l figured.
l put in some lobster tails and a cheesecake.
JULIA: Thank you, Amos.
KARA: And then maybe these?
Put that ticket right-- Put it where you're looking. Yep.
Yep. Great. Thank you. Now let me take that thing.
Thank you very much. Appreciate it.
Oh, crap. Just go.
Golden Kadahi, best Indian restaurant in Los Angeles. How may l help you?
Hi. This is Rehka speaking.
-Hey, Liz. -Oh, hi.
-Hey. -Hey.
l made it. Cannot even believe it.
-Oh, sorry. -Sorry.
-Hi. -Sorry.
Wow, Liz, you look beautiful.
Thank you. Paula's indefinite trip out of the office coincided very nicely...
...with my ''haul ass home and throw on something festive'' plan, so....
You look wonderful.
Hi.
-So-- -l was think--
-What? Did you want--? -Sorry. Go ahead. No, you first.
-Please. You should. -You--
Oh, okay. You don't wanna be an agent, do you?
No, but l may need an agent...
...so l figure might as well Iearn the business while l'm agentless.
Good evening, sir, ma'am. Welcome to The Blvd.
Would you like the four-course Sweetheart's Menu...
-...or the eight-course Eternal Love? JASON: Whoa, slow down.
ls there, like, a one-course ''Only Been Dating For Two Weeks...
...But It Looks Promising'' option?
Because....
l'm kidding.
l realize that, sir. l'll come back when you're serious.
He's your biggest fan.
Hello? That's my water.
You know, l didn't touch mine, so why don't you go ahead and have it?
Happy Valentine's Day.
Well, same to you.
WOMAN: Charlie! -What?
She said happy Valentine's Day.
-Look-- -l can't talk now?
l'm sorry this place is such a zoo.
lt's fine. l mean, they're fighting, they're mating, and l'm in the zoo with you.
God.
Jason, um, l really like you...
...and l was-- l just....
l'm just wondering how you feel...
...about the idea of....
[RINGTONE PLAYING oN PHoNE]
Oh, God. l've gotta-- l'm gonna take this outside.
-Sure, sure, sure. Yeah, yeah. Go. Yeah. -l'm sorry. Thank you.
Go ahead.
-Be right back. -Sure.
[IN SOUTHERN ACCENT] All right, Stanley, listen to me.
We're gonna make this hard, and we're gonna make this fast.
WOMAN: Yes, we can get you two adjoining rooms.
Yes. But with the door open, you still have to pay for both.
Okay. Bye-bye now. Hi.
Hi. Welcome to the Beverly Wilshire.
-How many checking in? -Two.
-Two? -l mean one.
Well, technically, it's two. One person and Carmine, my dog.
A person and a dog. Okay, that would be our pleasure.
Oh, okay.
Oh, and by the way, happy Valentine's Day.
You too.
And Julia's not even in love with that guy.
How do you know that?
She was too calm about the whole thing. l mean, always under control.
Listen:
''The way of love is not a subtle argument.
The door there is devastation.'' The master.
REED: So according to Rumi, Iove has to be devastating?
Listen. You don't step into love, my friend, you fall in. Head over heels.
You ever seen somebody fall head over heels in love for real, Reed?
lt's ugly, bro. Toxic, septic.
Come on, boss. Still got a few hours left.
Make something happen with somebody someplace.
-Cookie? -l'm good.
Day's not over yet, man. Give me some.
Hey, tell me something. How'd you and your wife get it so right?
That's easy. l married my best friend.
Thought l was your best friend.
Yeah, you're my man. That's my lady.
-Night. -Good night.
-Go give your wife those cookies, huh? -Best for the best.
Yeah. Best for the best.
-Kate. Hey, have a great trip. -Thanks. Nice meeting you.
Yeah.
MAN 1: This is my taxi! MAN 2: No, no, l been waiting.
WOMAN: l been waiting 45 minutes. MAN 3: Be a little patient, folks.
-Hey, Redmond. -Welcome back, Mr. Wilson.
-Did you have to wait long? -Not long at all.
-Check any bags? -No.
They're right through there.
HOLDEN: May l help you, captain?
KATE: Thank you.
You okay?
No, l'm fine. It's just the SuperShuttle, it's gonna take nine stops to get to my house.
Thought l'd pay for a cab, and l go there, and the line's two miles long.
-Now l'm headed to the rental car place. -Which is gonna take an hour.
-l'm gonna help. -Really?
Yeah, l have a car.
l live in the Valley.
l want you to have it. You traveled so far for a few hours.
You should spend every possible second with this guy.
And it's already paid for.
Redmond will take you wherever you need to go.
You just give him the address.
Thank you. Thank you.
He's a lucky man.
-Thank you. -Bye.
Rani, sweetheart, why are you moping?
ls this about a boy because it's Valentine's Day?
Did you get many valentines? Oh, sweetheart, don't be sad.
When the time is right, your father and l...
...we are going to find you a nice Indian boy.
Hey, cheer up, Rani. l'll be your valentine.
Alex, please, for now, be our delivery boy.
l have an Indian wedding, and l have a private party going on.
[POPS]
Perfect.
WOMAN: Beverly Wilshire, this is Michelle.
Yeah, l'm gonna have to put you on hold. All right, thanks. Bye-bye.
Excuse me.
You didn't happen to see a really pretty girl, blue dress, come through here?
-Are you a guest of the hotel, or...? -No, we were at the early seating.
Okay. Yeah, she was on the phone, and she just went out that way.
-Oh, okay. Thanks. -Yeah, no problem.
[IN SOUTHERN ACCENT] Put the blindfold on right now, Stanley.
Oh, you know what's gonna happen when you do.
Sugar and your little kitty cat...
...oh, we're gonna lick you all up and down.
Scratchy little tongues going up and down your--
Oh! Rrrrr. Mm.
Oh, Stanley, l'm gonna have to have a mint julep to cool down after that one.
Talk to you next time. Thank you.
[IN NORMAL VOlCE] Oh, God.
That is a really unusual way to talk to your boss.
-lt's not what you think. -Really? Oh, awesome.
Because what l think it is is you leaving me to talk dirty to your boyfriend, Stanley. So--
-No, no, no. -What a relief to know...
...you're not someone who licks people with their scratchy kitty-cat tongue.
l moonlight as an adult-phone entertainer.
-Like phone sex? -Yes.
This is the busiest day of the year for phone sex.
Surprise.
Why didn't you tell me?
Okay.
l'm broke. l have a hundred-K student loan l have no idea how l'm going to pay off.
l have no health insurance.
So if you know of a job that will pay a poetry major...
...more than $40 an hour, with her clothes on, l'm all ears.
Okay.
-l'm out. -Are you gonna call me?
Well, you know, l'd like to say yes, but...
...l don't know if l can afford it.
l'm sorry, that was-- l'm sorry.
Come on, you know l didn't mean that. l'm just-- This is, like....
This is way too much for me, okay?
l'm from Muncie, Indiana.
Like, the wildest thing l ever did was...
...leave Muncie, Indiana.
-Look, this is me, it's not you. -Yeah.
l just....
l'm sorry, Liz.
MAN: Welcome to the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. Enjoy your romantic evening.
WOMAN: Please, everyone form a single-file line.
[WOMAN SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
She said she would meet me right before showtime. Here it is...
...but she's not here yet, and--
l got her these flowers because l'm so sorry.
l mean, it was a small fire. It's a small dog. Everything's fine, and--
We're sold out.
Oh, l'm sorry, sir, but we are completely sold out. Only pre-sold tickets.
No, you don't understand. l need a ticket tonight.
But l mean, l packed a basket. It's got her favorite.
-Ham hocks and squid and-- -Actually...
...you know what, sir?
l have an extra ticket.
-Oh, that's your ticket? -That's my ticket.
lt's your lucky night. Have a great time. All right, everyone, we are sold out.
EDGAR: So who do l thank? -Jason, from Indiana.
Edgar, from New York.
Yeah, my wife and l used to come here every Valentine's Day, but--
Well, except tonight.
Well, you know, l had the extra ticket, so....
On Valentine's Day. Well, there's gotta be a story there.
Well, yeah, not a good one.
Pretty much the worst Valentine's Day story of all time.
You wanna bet?
NIKKl: Thank you, officers.
MAN 1: Thank you, Nikki. They're beautiful. MAN 2: Thank you.
NIKKl: Siena Bouquet.
Yeah, we're still open for about another hour.
Mister?
You owe me flowers.
Where we taking them?
[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOlCE] Okay, l'm gonna go now. Have a nice life.
[IN NORMAL VOlCE] You came.
What happened?
He's married.
[GRUNTING]
Now that's open-heart surgery.
-Peppermint Pattie? -Yep.
WOMAN: Don't step on the people, step on the grass.
Step on the grass.
EDGAR: This telephone girl, you like her, huh?
JASON: Thought maybe she had the trifecta.
Trifecta? What's that?
Oh, you know, it's like the big three S's.
Smart, sensitive, sexy.
EDGAR: That's my trifecta.
-Her? -Mm-hm.
JASON: You mean, like, literally, that--?
-Literally. Her. -She was hot.
Still is.
Hey, hey.
-You guys came! -You're here!
KARA: l thought you were going out with your new boyfriend.
JULIA: l thought you had a date with your old boyfriend.
Same guy.
-No. -Not surprised.
Booked back-to-back at the same restaurant. Thought we wouldn't notice.
-What? -Please lead me to the alcohol.
-Right here. Sit down. -We are gonna take good care of you.
What happened to the piñata?
-Oh, it got what it deserved. KARA: Oh, more sad and lonely people.
-Hey, guys. -Hey, Elise.
GRACE: l'm driving around, looking in all the places he's probably gonna be, but....
Anyways, like l said, just call me back.
But no big deal, l've got it under control, so l'll find him.
l've found him! Found him.
Oh, my God, he's in a van. Shit! What are you doing in a van?
Edison!
GROUP: Burn, baby, burn!
DANA: Justin Levy.
Broke up with me on the morning of my birthday...
...still showed up to my party.
GROUP: Burn, baby, burn!
CHARLIE: Ivonne Quinteros.
Dumped me for the piano player at the Beverly Wilshire.
-Two hours ago. -Oh, Charlie.
GROUP: Burn, baby, burn! -Fire marshal know about this burning pot?
-Oh, hey, Kelvin. -Hey.
Back to the wine.
-What are you doing here? -l had a little time...
...before my 10:OO broadcast, somebody said there was a gathering of my people.
-How did you find us? -Heather.
Right, right. Well, welcome.
-Hi. l'm Julia. -l'm Kelvin.
-Hi. So you guys know each other? -Yes.
What misadventure of the heart brings you here?
Oh, actually, l'm Kara's date.
-Fascinating. -Yeah.
Whoo.
[LAUGHING]
GRACE: Edison! REED: All right, buddy.
-Don't move! -l'm really, really sorry.
Okay, but you can't do that to me. Do you understand?
l know, l know. But this was really important.
-She had to get her flowers. -ls everything okay?
-Yeah, l'm his babysitter. -l'm his florist.
Look, l'm glad you're okay.
Do you want me to come in there with you?
No. l think this is one of those things l have to do myself.
REDMOND: l've been driving Holden for a long time.
He's never given his car up for anybody.
You must be pretty special.
YOUNG ESTELLE [ON FILM]: Over? Why do you keep talking like it's over?
l love you.
ESTELLE: Edgar!
-Hey, get out of the way! -l'll always love you.
-Edgar! WOMAN 1 : Excuse me.
Down in front!
Edgar, where are you? l know you're out there.
PEOPLE: Shh!
MAN 1: Who the hell is Edgar? -He is my husband, and shut your mouth.
-Edgar, answer me. WOMAN 2: Answer her, Edgar.
MAN 2: Lady, l can't see through you. -Edgar, where are you?
-Estelle! -Edgar, answer me.
-Estelle! -That must be Edgar.
l'm here! l'm coming.
[GROANS]
Sorry.
-l see. MAN 3: Hey, run lower!
Listen to me. l know l let you down.
Maybe you don't think l deserve forgiveness...
...but you're gonna give it to me anyway, because when you love someone...
-...you love all of them. That's the job. EDGAR: l know that now.
ESTELLE: l'm so sorry.
And now, please, you gotta love everything about them.
Not just the good things, but the bad things too.
The things that you find lovable, and the things that you don't find lovable.
Shh. l understand.
l'll never leave you.
[SINGING] At first l was afraid, l was petrified
Hept thinking l could never live Without you by my side
(SINGING1 Then l spent so many nights Thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew strong And l learned how to get along
And so you're back from outer space
Julia, l found this little friend of Rani's, and l think he's looking for you.
l'm not little.
Edison, are you okay? Does somebody know that you're here?
Yeah, my babysitter's outside.
Okay.
-Oh, now go -Go
-Walk out the door -Out that door
Just turn around now
This is for you.
-For me? -You're my valentine.
Thank you.
Oh, this is beautiful.
Wha--?
Are you sure that l am really the person that you wanna give this to?
Yeah. l mean, l think so.
Why?
Well, when you pick a valentine you have to be sure that you choose the right person.
Or else you could be overlooking someone who's even more special to you.
Rani? But l don't love her. l love you.
ls it our age difference that keeps you from going:
Boom, boom, boom.
Yeah, a little bit.
ls it my height? Because l'm gonna grow.
Well, then, no, it's not your height.
lt's just it wouldn't be right, because l know Rani likes you.
Really? Well, l like her a lot too.
She's the only other fifth-grader who has Frank lappa on her iPod.
-See? -And she loves giraffes.
See, giraffes, it's something you guys have in common.
See, it's things like that that can turn a friend...
...from someone that you like into someone that you love.
Has that ever happened to you, Miss Fitzpatrick?
Hello?
Hey, hey
Back to the chocolate!
l am the chocolate.
Oh, you are. Thank you so much for coming.
You are the most special valentine l have ever had.
-But it was great. And bye. -Bye.
-Don't know how to do that. -l'll teach you.
-There you go. Right on-- There it is. Close. -Okay.
l know, you gotta go to work.
Bolly, bolly!
[ANJU RAMAPRIYAM'S ''SIGNED SEALED DELIvERED I_m vouRs__ PLAvING]
Here. Happy Valentine's Day.
l don't usually go for girls my own age, but you're pretty cool.
Wow, thanks.
l don't really have anything else to say.
Now l'm wondering If your love's still strong
_ere l am Signed, sealed, delivered, l'm yours
[PHONE CHIMES]
l saw Edison.
l tipped the valet to keep an eye on him.
l have the delivery van set up over there.
We could take a trip to Mulholland. Come check it out.
-Alex, can l be honest with you? -l love it when you're honest.
l don't know if l'm ready for this.
-Lie to me. -No, look, l'm serious.
Signed, sealed, delivered
KARA: l'm gonna go now.
Signed, sealed, delivered
KARA: Bye.
l guess that l thought that if we did this, we'd have this special bond...
...and now l'm realizing that something like this you can't just plan, you know?
lt has to happen.
l mean, we have a chance to make it happen.
But did you hear what you said, ''make it happen''?
We shouldn't have to make it happen.
Look, sit.
This is so sweet, and....
Look, Alex, l love you. l just--
l really think we should wait.
l'm sorry.
ALEX: It's okay. l love you too.
And...
...we can still make out.
Bye.
[PHONE CHIMES]
[PHONE RINGS]
Paula Thomas. Whoever this is better have a good reason for calling me this late.
You want me to do what?
Boy, do you know who you're talking to?
Oh-ho-ho-ho.
Vladimir.
Well, let me tell you something, Vladimir.
You don't know what rough is until you've dealt with a true African queen.
Let me get my stick.
Kneel to Nzinga!
Attention, l'm going home now.
But l wanted to say goodnight to the world's greatest boss...
...and tell him that we all love him.
Good night, Nikki.
You saw.
Yeah.
l'd like to take to comment on the story that we broke earlier.
Quarterback sensation Sean Jackson...
...has popped the lock on the closet and come out.
What does this mean? Will there be more house music played in the locker room?
These questions aside, Mr. Jackson's name is likely to be remembered...
...alongside Jackie Robinson, Muhammad Ali, and Billie Jean King...
...who endured their share of trash-talking as well.
But let's allow future generations to decide where to place Sean Jackson in history.
But let's be clear: It's not about defiance...
...it's about what a man will do for love.
l stand behind you, Sean. Metaphorically.
-Oh, jeez. KELVIN: Thank you.
Good night.
SHERRY: And that's it for tonight's news.
Happy Valentine's Day to all of you. Sherry Donaldson for KVLA, channel 13.
-Good. Hey, man. -Excellent.
-Hey, way to go, bro. WOMAN: Cue music, cue logo.
You sneaky little cupid.
You got romantic after all, didn't you?
l may get a few letters on that, but l got your back.
-Thank you. -Happy Valentine's Day, Kelvin.
Same to you.
Well, those stairs never looked so good.
lnteresting perspective on Sean Jackson.
[KNOCKING]
Just a second.
Who is it?
You forgot your camera.
Can l come in?
Sure.
Jason, l feel bad about how you found out about my job.
lt was awkward, and l'm sorry.
But that is the only thing that l apologize for.
No. l should be the one apologizing.
lf you want to be a adult phone entertainer...
...that's cool.
l don't know, Jason.
When you found out something about me you didn't like, you judged me and bailed.
l don't think that's a promising foundation for a relationship.
You know what? You're right. l just spent all night in a cemetery.
And l actually learned something.
ln a relationship...
...you have to accept the other person...
...for all of what they are, not just the parts that are easy to like.
And you're stupid if you turn your back on something as important...
...aS...
...love.
So l bought this for you. At the store.
And this one goes....
[RINGTONE PLAYING oN PHoNE]
[IN SOUTHERN ACCENT] Sugar can't answer the phone right now.
[IN NORMAL VOlCE] She's got to make love to her boyfriend on Valentine's Day.
And, for the record, this is what l like.
Simple.
Yeah.
Let's just keep it really simple.
-l also like make-up sex. -Whoa, what a coincidence.
-You too? -Me too.
Yay!
Hi.
-Sorry. -Yeah.
What are you doing with the flowers?
REED: They're all the ones that nobody wants.
So you're giving them a second life?
Yeah, most shops throw them away.
l like the idea that tomorrow, somebody's gonna see them floating by and--
Yeah.
--wonder where they come from. And the mystery of it all.
l used to actually put them together...
...and practice new designs with them...
...and drop them off at a random doorstep with a note saying:
''Somebody out there loves you.''
Then l got to thinking...
...what if they found out that someone was me?
Would they want me to be the one that Ioves them?
l would...
...want that.
Am l about to kiss my best friend?
l hope so.
-Not great. -That was awkward. Awkward.
-Just not great. -Yep.
-But this is my old-- Where l get down. -This is your spot.
You really helped me out. Susan is....
-Giving me a chance to be number one. KARA: Congratulations.
-Thank you, again. -Thank you.
-l'm gonna have to teach you. -That is....
KELVIN: No-- l'll teach you this. KARA: It's not natural.
-Heep the fist-- It's a little-- -Thank you. Okay.
-No, no, no. Open your-- -Open.
-You know what? l got a better idea. -Not happening.
Okay.
That was nice.
Well, you didn't exactly, like, knock it out of the park.
Well, we've never practiced, you have to admit.
-Maybe we should practice, then. -Okay.
Mommy!
You're so big.
-Did you imagine it better or worse? -l did.
-You imagined it better? -l gave you more credit.
-Really? -Yeah.
-Well, l hate that l'm not living up to my-- -Well, l don't know.
MAN [ON RADlO]: It's Romeo Midnight, one last time.
Only 30 seconds left now before it's just another day.
So count it down with me, lovers.
And raise your glass to those three little words that we all want to hear:
''Let's get naked.''
l never had a inkling before, man. l didn't know what to do.
l need to get to the airport.
Stupid--!
Vladimir! Let me get my whip.
You know l always wanna answer yours first--
Oh! Just-- Let's do--
l never had a inkling before. l didn't know what to do with it.
Shoot, we gotta get to the--
lt's stupid. Stupid seat belt!
ELllONDO: Oh, there's a-- Hold it, there's a finger in there.
You on Facebook?
l can't hear out of this ear.
Are you guys on Facebook?
l never had a inkling before. l didn't know what to do with it.
All right. l gotta get to the airport.
She's probably at the gate by now.
How did you do that?
-Hey, l'm Taylor. -And l'm Taylor. Too.
Yeah. It's confusing. Yeah, we know that.
Marker.
REDMOND: If you look out the window, ma'am...
...we're passing the famous Rodeo Drive.
-Have you ever shopped here? -l did once, actually.
But, big mistake. Big. Huge.
[ENGLISH SDH]